Raconteurs
Dec. 21st, 2014 03:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spacewhistlerWritten on 12/24/2013.
“Let’s play a game.”
She didn’t look because she knew who it was. That voice haunted her dreams and had her waking up in tears. That voice was forever ingrained on every part of her brain. She leaned back on the wooden bench and muttered softly, “What game?”
“You know what.”
She wanted to scream at him. Shake him by the shoulders and then smack him on the head…continuously…with a baseball bat. Didn’t he make it clear that they should just leave everything behind them and pretend like they didn’t happen? She shook her head.
“Come on. You loved that game.”
Added emphasis on “loved”. She “loved” it. But not anymore. Not when playing that game only reminded her of him. What’s he playing at, anyway? “Not anymore,” she scoffed offhandedly.
“Do you know the story of that little girl with the striped sweater and the little boy chasing her around?”
She knew it. He would still do the thing even if she didn’t want to. She tried to smirk in disdain but she couldn’t. She could not attempt at even a sarcastic smile because of his presence. Even though he’s two rulers away from her on that bench, she felt him looming over her, like a dark cloud blocking her sunlight. That sunlight was her only shot at happiness and he robbed her of it yet again.
“They were best friends since birth. He tried giving her a flower once as a sign of his admiration but she gave it back almost immediately. She said she saw it on a movie once. ‘You’re practically engaged when you give a flower to a girl,’ she said in her know-it-all grown up tone. He asked her what ‘engaged’ means and she just shrugged. Because she didn’t know, too.”
He chuckled under his breath. It was forced, like it was just instinct to laugh after his made-up background story. Her throat was clogged. She couldn’t fathom why. Maybe because that story resembled something. She couldn’t be bothered to let him know about that. She continued to stare at the distance, her vision growing blurry. He cleared his throat.
“How about that old man with the cane?”
She needed to retort. She needed to make him stop. She needed him to stop talking and just walk away. Forever. He didn’t need to complicate things further. She hoped he noticed her going stiff as a board, trying her best to block out his voice in vain.
“He was still waiting futilely for his one and only love. He still believed she was still out there, breathing in the sunlight. That woman loved sunlight, he reminisced. She wasn’t afraid of sunburns and what-not. She loved the feel of the rays of the sun kissing her skin. He chuckled. He remembered teasing her that maybe it’s good for her, the sunlight. She’s too pale in his opinion. She proceeded to slap him on the arm none too gently. He still walked around this park because it’s easy to fool himself that she’s still there, loving the sunlight more than him. Just like the usual.”
He must be sadistic. Yep. That’s it. He was out for her. He wanted her to die a slow and painful death in his arms. She could feel her chest constricting, as if her heart was threatening to come out of it to jump to its painful death on the hard concrete below. Tears stung her eyes and maybe a few more words from him, she’d be bawling soon. She wanted to look at him but she willed herself not to.
“And then there’s that lady in the lacy dress cradling a small bundle on her arms under the shade of the tree. The father of her baby left her last night. She woke up with a tear-streaked face. But she put on a smile and cooed at her child. She brought the tyke here today so she’d forget her troubles…hopefully. She knew she’d get over that bastard. But she wouldn’t deny she still loved him despite all. And if he comes back, she’d welcome him back with open arms if her child would.”
She dug the heel of her palm to her eyes, trying to stop her tears but the onslaught was expected and hasty. “Why…why are you doing this?” she gritted out rather brokenly. She could feel his gaze on her, pitying, she knew. Well, she didn’t need pity. She needed to get rid of him. ASAP.
“But do you know the story of the girl in her favorite sundress crying her eyes out and the strange man sitting beside her dreadfully trying to restrain himself from reaching out to her and crossing that little distance between them so he could hold her in his arms? I do. And this time, it’s not made-up. They broke up a week ago after three years of a beautiful relationship…”
“You call that sham of a relationship ‘beautiful’? Ha.”
He hung his head in shame, she observed from the corner of her eye. His Adam’s apple was bobbing up and down on his throat, a sure sign of his nervousness. She hated how familiar it seemed to her. “He loved her so much, did you know that? Something literally broke inside him when he left her that night.”
“Stop shitting me.”
“He tried his best, believe me, he tried.”
“Well, it wasn’t enough, was it?”
“It wasn’t enough, he knew it. They weren’t meant to be together, in the first place. But she took over his life slowly as they grew up. She taught him this game of telling stories of the people they see around because she believed the world is made up of little but interesting stories somehow worth telling. He loved that about her. Her belief of the importance of each person she encountered. She was the ball of sunshine. And he…he was the water who burned that out of her system.”
Damned right he was. He twisted her beliefs. He changed her completely. Sometimes she thought those were good. But that was in the past. Because when she looked at the mirror, she couldn’t see that ball of sunshine anymore.
“He courted her for a long time. But he didn’t mind. For him, she was worth those grueling hours he spent trying to win her over. He did get her in the end and he was so happy that he felt like he could fly amongst the clouds, however cliché it was.”
His voice broke on the last word but he still laughed ruefully.
“But there was one flaw. They were clandestine. His parents were not favorable of his chosen lady because they said he was promised to another a long time ago, years before he was even born. But he was stubborn. He still pursued his relationship with the girl he loves; meeting at a small room in the middle of the city, having coffee on another town to avoid prying eyes, and romantic moonlit dinners away from their homes. It was dreamlike—magical, even.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. She continued to cry. But this time, she hushed into soft sobs.
“But there were things that he could not help. He was always taught to follow his parents first before others. When she finally hinted on introducing him to her parents and vice versa, he panicked. He didn’t want this…fairytale relationship to end…no matter how much of a sham it is to her now.”
She chuckled bitterly just to express something. She hated feeling helpless. And she always felt that way around him. Always him.
“Three years. Can you believe that? They managed to be a secret couple for three effing years. Then came the time he had to finally tell her about his predicted future, unfortunately, without her in the picture. They came home from a very nice dinner. It was perfect, as always. But he acted distant. She worried. He coldly informed her of the arrangement his parents made for him. He said he could not do anything about it. It was a promise set on stone. He watched her shake her head in disbelief and as her tears slowly leaked out of her eyes to trail down her pretty face. She pushed him and punched away at his chest. He let her because he deserved it. But he didn’t cry.”
She had an arm covering her face now, bawling like a kid who lost her mother. It was noisy but it didn’t drown out his voice.
“He left her there like that. What a fool, huh? But he suffered, too, in case you’d like to know. He put up with his mother’s encouraging stares between him and the young lady whom he was supposedly betrothed to. He tried not to squirm under his father’s stern looks every dinner with the girl and her parents. He tried. He tried very hard to forget her. But he couldn’t.”
He puffed his chest and sighed.
“This was all his fault, right? Despite his knowledge of his foreseeable future with an unknown person, he still decided to woo the girl he liked. He let it blossom into something more solid for three years and look where it got him. Trapped in a marriage with a broken heart knowing the girl he loved would eventually move on and find a man of her own. Which was not him, obviously.”
“Then what was he doing here if he knew they could never be together?”
He looked at her then. He held her gaze, his beautiful eyes sorrowful. “He didn’t know himself. Maybe because he wanted to see her one last time…or maybe he wanted her to retell this story with a different ending for them. Because it hurts. The ending they had was not pleasant. Maybe he wanted something to stay in his memories forever.”
He nudged her in the arm gently, the barest of touches. “Your turn,” he whispered.
“What will I say?” she asked feebly.
He finally crossed the small distance between them and wiped her tears with his thumbs. She allowed him. Because as much as she tried to deny it, she still loved him. “Just put an ending to their story.”
“What if I don’t want their story to end?”
“Understandable. But you should.”
“What if I…what if I say ‘and they lived happily ever after’?”
“You told me there was no such thing as ‘happily ever after’.”
“What if I say he didn’t give a flying fudge about everything? What if I say he left his parents and that perfect fiancé of his to go live his forever with this girl whose heart he broke? What if I say that?”
He smiled softly and grasped her face in both hands. They were clammy but warm. She unconsciously leaned on them. It was all so familiar…and she loved familiar.
“Then that’s what you’ll get.”
He dove in to capture her lips in a tender kiss that made her eyes water again. She answered with equal fervor, tangling her hands on his hair.
Out of all the stories they made throughout the years, this was her favorite. Because she knew this time, it was true.
“Let’s play a game.”
She didn’t look because she knew who it was. That voice haunted her dreams and had her waking up in tears. That voice was forever ingrained on every part of her brain. She leaned back on the wooden bench and muttered softly, “What game?”
“You know what.”
She wanted to scream at him. Shake him by the shoulders and then smack him on the head…continuously…with a baseball bat. Didn’t he make it clear that they should just leave everything behind them and pretend like they didn’t happen? She shook her head.
“Come on. You loved that game.”
Added emphasis on “loved”. She “loved” it. But not anymore. Not when playing that game only reminded her of him. What’s he playing at, anyway? “Not anymore,” she scoffed offhandedly.
“Do you know the story of that little girl with the striped sweater and the little boy chasing her around?”
She knew it. He would still do the thing even if she didn’t want to. She tried to smirk in disdain but she couldn’t. She could not attempt at even a sarcastic smile because of his presence. Even though he’s two rulers away from her on that bench, she felt him looming over her, like a dark cloud blocking her sunlight. That sunlight was her only shot at happiness and he robbed her of it yet again.
“They were best friends since birth. He tried giving her a flower once as a sign of his admiration but she gave it back almost immediately. She said she saw it on a movie once. ‘You’re practically engaged when you give a flower to a girl,’ she said in her know-it-all grown up tone. He asked her what ‘engaged’ means and she just shrugged. Because she didn’t know, too.”
He chuckled under his breath. It was forced, like it was just instinct to laugh after his made-up background story. Her throat was clogged. She couldn’t fathom why. Maybe because that story resembled something. She couldn’t be bothered to let him know about that. She continued to stare at the distance, her vision growing blurry. He cleared his throat.
“How about that old man with the cane?”
She needed to retort. She needed to make him stop. She needed him to stop talking and just walk away. Forever. He didn’t need to complicate things further. She hoped he noticed her going stiff as a board, trying her best to block out his voice in vain.
“He was still waiting futilely for his one and only love. He still believed she was still out there, breathing in the sunlight. That woman loved sunlight, he reminisced. She wasn’t afraid of sunburns and what-not. She loved the feel of the rays of the sun kissing her skin. He chuckled. He remembered teasing her that maybe it’s good for her, the sunlight. She’s too pale in his opinion. She proceeded to slap him on the arm none too gently. He still walked around this park because it’s easy to fool himself that she’s still there, loving the sunlight more than him. Just like the usual.”
He must be sadistic. Yep. That’s it. He was out for her. He wanted her to die a slow and painful death in his arms. She could feel her chest constricting, as if her heart was threatening to come out of it to jump to its painful death on the hard concrete below. Tears stung her eyes and maybe a few more words from him, she’d be bawling soon. She wanted to look at him but she willed herself not to.
“And then there’s that lady in the lacy dress cradling a small bundle on her arms under the shade of the tree. The father of her baby left her last night. She woke up with a tear-streaked face. But she put on a smile and cooed at her child. She brought the tyke here today so she’d forget her troubles…hopefully. She knew she’d get over that bastard. But she wouldn’t deny she still loved him despite all. And if he comes back, she’d welcome him back with open arms if her child would.”
She dug the heel of her palm to her eyes, trying to stop her tears but the onslaught was expected and hasty. “Why…why are you doing this?” she gritted out rather brokenly. She could feel his gaze on her, pitying, she knew. Well, she didn’t need pity. She needed to get rid of him. ASAP.
“But do you know the story of the girl in her favorite sundress crying her eyes out and the strange man sitting beside her dreadfully trying to restrain himself from reaching out to her and crossing that little distance between them so he could hold her in his arms? I do. And this time, it’s not made-up. They broke up a week ago after three years of a beautiful relationship…”
“You call that sham of a relationship ‘beautiful’? Ha.”
He hung his head in shame, she observed from the corner of her eye. His Adam’s apple was bobbing up and down on his throat, a sure sign of his nervousness. She hated how familiar it seemed to her. “He loved her so much, did you know that? Something literally broke inside him when he left her that night.”
“Stop shitting me.”
“He tried his best, believe me, he tried.”
“Well, it wasn’t enough, was it?”
“It wasn’t enough, he knew it. They weren’t meant to be together, in the first place. But she took over his life slowly as they grew up. She taught him this game of telling stories of the people they see around because she believed the world is made up of little but interesting stories somehow worth telling. He loved that about her. Her belief of the importance of each person she encountered. She was the ball of sunshine. And he…he was the water who burned that out of her system.”
Damned right he was. He twisted her beliefs. He changed her completely. Sometimes she thought those were good. But that was in the past. Because when she looked at the mirror, she couldn’t see that ball of sunshine anymore.
“He courted her for a long time. But he didn’t mind. For him, she was worth those grueling hours he spent trying to win her over. He did get her in the end and he was so happy that he felt like he could fly amongst the clouds, however cliché it was.”
His voice broke on the last word but he still laughed ruefully.
“But there was one flaw. They were clandestine. His parents were not favorable of his chosen lady because they said he was promised to another a long time ago, years before he was even born. But he was stubborn. He still pursued his relationship with the girl he loves; meeting at a small room in the middle of the city, having coffee on another town to avoid prying eyes, and romantic moonlit dinners away from their homes. It was dreamlike—magical, even.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. She continued to cry. But this time, she hushed into soft sobs.
“But there were things that he could not help. He was always taught to follow his parents first before others. When she finally hinted on introducing him to her parents and vice versa, he panicked. He didn’t want this…fairytale relationship to end…no matter how much of a sham it is to her now.”
She chuckled bitterly just to express something. She hated feeling helpless. And she always felt that way around him. Always him.
“Three years. Can you believe that? They managed to be a secret couple for three effing years. Then came the time he had to finally tell her about his predicted future, unfortunately, without her in the picture. They came home from a very nice dinner. It was perfect, as always. But he acted distant. She worried. He coldly informed her of the arrangement his parents made for him. He said he could not do anything about it. It was a promise set on stone. He watched her shake her head in disbelief and as her tears slowly leaked out of her eyes to trail down her pretty face. She pushed him and punched away at his chest. He let her because he deserved it. But he didn’t cry.”
She had an arm covering her face now, bawling like a kid who lost her mother. It was noisy but it didn’t drown out his voice.
“He left her there like that. What a fool, huh? But he suffered, too, in case you’d like to know. He put up with his mother’s encouraging stares between him and the young lady whom he was supposedly betrothed to. He tried not to squirm under his father’s stern looks every dinner with the girl and her parents. He tried. He tried very hard to forget her. But he couldn’t.”
He puffed his chest and sighed.
“This was all his fault, right? Despite his knowledge of his foreseeable future with an unknown person, he still decided to woo the girl he liked. He let it blossom into something more solid for three years and look where it got him. Trapped in a marriage with a broken heart knowing the girl he loved would eventually move on and find a man of her own. Which was not him, obviously.”
“Then what was he doing here if he knew they could never be together?”
He looked at her then. He held her gaze, his beautiful eyes sorrowful. “He didn’t know himself. Maybe because he wanted to see her one last time…or maybe he wanted her to retell this story with a different ending for them. Because it hurts. The ending they had was not pleasant. Maybe he wanted something to stay in his memories forever.”
He nudged her in the arm gently, the barest of touches. “Your turn,” he whispered.
“What will I say?” she asked feebly.
He finally crossed the small distance between them and wiped her tears with his thumbs. She allowed him. Because as much as she tried to deny it, she still loved him. “Just put an ending to their story.”
“What if I don’t want their story to end?”
“Understandable. But you should.”
“What if I…what if I say ‘and they lived happily ever after’?”
“You told me there was no such thing as ‘happily ever after’.”
“What if I say he didn’t give a flying fudge about everything? What if I say he left his parents and that perfect fiancé of his to go live his forever with this girl whose heart he broke? What if I say that?”
He smiled softly and grasped her face in both hands. They were clammy but warm. She unconsciously leaned on them. It was all so familiar…and she loved familiar.
“Then that’s what you’ll get.”
He dove in to capture her lips in a tender kiss that made her eyes water again. She answered with equal fervor, tangling her hands on his hair.
Out of all the stories they made throughout the years, this was her favorite. Because she knew this time, it was true.
